A Story About Jail
Have you ever had an experience that's too weird not to share? I know I've had plenty of 'em. Here's the latest one to add to the roster. I just woke up from a dream about working at jail. Not as a corrections officer, just [...]
How I Got Married And Divorced In Two Days
Marriage can be a beautiful union between two people who are madly, deeply in love. Or it can be a living hell from which you can never awaken, all because you knocked up that hostess at Denny's while you were both drunk on mouth wash. [...]
The Most Important Question To Ask Before You Go On A Date
A while ago I wrote a Craigslist ad based around a straight edge theme. Turns out that this is a bad idea – apparently the only girls who want to date straight edge guys are either fucked-up single moms looking for a knight in shining [...]
Legend of the Japanese Tourist
Have you ever been in a Walmart parking lot in rural Illinois at 3 in the morning and seen an Asian guy with a $3000 camera taking a picture of a stop sign for god knows why? Congratulations, you've encountered a Japanese tourist! They're real, [...]
Dungeons & Dildos: A New Year’s Adventure
New Years Eve is a bumbling festival of expensive cover charges and wasted amateurs. Why not skip the whole thing and go to a party? Check out this tale of one of my exciting New Years Eve celebrations. This story was originally published on 11/19/2010 at [...]
Favorite Gym Characters: Sander Edition
This is a guest post from my friend Jared, who also sees some weird ass shit in his gym. This story easily equals the strangest character I've ever witnessed, and I've seen a platoon of gym weirdos. You simply can't make this shit up. Yes [...]
How To Catcall A Woman
Catcalling gets a lot of negative press from the media and women in general because it's "harassment" or whatever. Open your eyes, sheeple! This is pure propaganda meant to hide the fact that catcalling is the ultimate seduction technique. I'm going to tell you a [...]
My First Craigslist Missed Connection
Awkward comedies are the worst. In fact, cringe-worthy crapfests like Big Bang Theory or Curb Your Enthusiasm usually make me leave the room. I got an awkward wedding invitation a few years ago that was worthy of Larry David. Not only had I dated the [...]
An April Fools Prank On My Boss
Everyone has stories about an insane place of employment. My former employer is a cool guy, but straight-up batshit crazy when it comes to home improvement projects. A few years ago, he started a quest to redo his garage and back yard. I’m talking MASSIVE [...]
"What’s The Worst Tattoo You’ve Ever Given Someone?"
Excellent life choices Back in the day, bikers, sailors and convicts used to have tattoos. This was pretty sweet because tattoos were like a big neon sign that told you where to buy drugs. Now every dumbass hipster has knuckle tattoos and [...]