Marriage can be a beautiful union between two people who are madly, deeply in love. Or it can be a living hell from which you can never awaken, all because you knocked up that hostess at Denny’s while you were both drunk on mouth wash. I don’t really know which it is because I got married and divorced in the span of roughly two days. This is my story.
Part I: True Love
It all started when I discovered some cups at work. These are no ordinary cups. These were magic cups. At least I assumed they were magic because they had my name on them. Also they had some wedding shit on them which was probably an omen or something. I dunno, I only read the Satanic Bible like once and I was pretty high so I forgot the part about fortune telling. Anyway, here’s a pic:
These cups are the bearers of little candies and bubble wands, but also prophecy. They prophesied that I had to get married to a girl named Becca right fucking now.
Luckily I have this girlfriend. You don’t know her because she’s from Canada. No I don’t have any pictures but trust me, she’s hot. Also as luck/prophecy would have it, her name is Becca. Of course I proposed immediately which worked out great because Becca (my girlfriend from Canada) needed a green card.