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  • wedding-chapel-with-elvis-impersonator

How I Got Married And Divorced In Two Days

By |November 16th, 2016|

Marriage can be a beautiful union between two people who are madly, deeply in love. Or it can be a living hell from which you can never awaken, all because you knocked up that hostess at Denny’s while you were both drunk on mouth wash. […]

  • have-you-ever-had-sex-with-a-man

The Most Important Question To Ask Before You Go On A Date

By |May 5th, 2016|

A while ago I wrote a Craigslist ad based around a straight edge theme. Turns out that this is a bad idea – apparently the only girls who want to date straight edge guys are either fucked-up single moms looking for a knight in shining […]

  • Japanese tourist with many cameras

Legend of the Japanese Tourist

By |April 25th, 2016|

Have you ever been in a Walmart parking lot in rural Illinois at 3 in the morning and seen an Asian guy with a $3000 camera taking a picture of a stop sign for god knows why? Congratulations, you’ve encountered a Japanese tourist! They’re real, […]

Dungeons & Dildos: A New Year’s Adventure

By |February 17th, 2016|

New Years Eve is a bumbling festival of expensive cover charges and wasted amateurs. Why not skip the whole thing and go to a party? Check out this tale of one of my exciting New Years Eve celebrations. This story was originally published on 11/19/2010 at […]

Favorite Gym Characters: Sander Edition

By |October 23rd, 2015|

This is a guest post from my friend Jared, who also sees some weird ass shit in his gym. This story easily equals the strangest character I’ve ever witnessed, and I’ve seen a platoon of gym weirdos. You simply can’t make this shit up.

Yes […]

How To Catcall A Woman

By |September 17th, 2015|

Catcalling gets a lot of negative press from the media and women in general because it’s “harassment” or whatever. Open your eyes, sheeple! This is pure propaganda meant to hide the fact that catcalling is the ultimate seduction technique. I’m going to tell you a […]

  • Rob Halford Gay Leather Daddy holding a whip

My First Craigslist Missed Connection

By |April 22nd, 2015|

Awkward comedies are the worst. In fact, cringe-worthy crapfests like Big Bang Theory or Curb Your Enthusiasm usually make me leave the room. I got an awkward wedding invitation a few years ago that was worthy of Larry David. Not only had I dated the […]

  • Nelson simpsons ha ha

An April Fools Prank On My Boss

By |April 1st, 2015|

Everyone has stories about an insane place of employment. My former employer is a cool guy, but straight-up batshit crazy when it comes to home improvement projects. A few years ago, he started a quest to redo his garage and back yard. I’m talking MASSIVE […]

  • Stupid hipster mustache with tattoos

"What’s The Worst Tattoo You’ve Ever Given Someone?"

By |March 25th, 2015|

Back in the day, bikers, sailors and convicts used to have tattoos. This was pretty sweet because tattoos were like a big neon sign that told you where to buy drugs. Now every dumbass hipster has knuckle tattoos and anchors etched on nonexistent biceps and […]

  • Hillary clinton on the cover of newsweek

The Crazy Girl Saga

By |March 23rd, 2015|

My name is widely known throughout the land for some of the weirdest and worst dating experiences. One of the more legendary in a long line of fucked up dating misadventures involves a cute girl I met on Craigslist a few years ago. I simply […]