Catcalling gets a lot of negative press from the media and women in general because it’s “harassment” or whatever. Open your eyes, sheeple! This is pure propaganda meant to hide the fact that catcalling is the ultimate seduction technique. I’m going to tell you a story that perfectly demonstrates how to catcall a woman.

I was cruising through one of the more “interesting” parts of town and discovered, much to my excitement, that I needed some petrol for my motorcoach. I pulled into an extremely rundown, yet nearby gas station to amend this pressing issue.

Fig. 1: The Hooptie

I noticed a young lady in a busted ass minivan complete with three shrieking hellspawn rowdy young’uns pumping gas across from me. She offered me a friendly scowl, when suddenly I heard the scream of tires and the gentle crash of somebody’s shitbox bottoming out on the curb. I swing my head towards the approaching calamity in time to behold a late 80s Lincoln Town Car with tinted windows approaching like a bat out of hell. Was I about to participate in one of those drive-by shootings I’d heard so much about??? The car screeched to a halt and the window rolled down.

A lively gentleman stuck his head out the window and delivered a catcall that could’ve only been created through the divine guidance of God himself:

“Yo bitch! You got a dude???”

I surveyed my surroundings, 250% convinced that I was on some dumbass YouTube prank show. Meanwhile, the welfare maiden gave the hooptie a thorough visual examination.

Deciding that the odds were ever in her favor, she informed the lothario, “Nah I ain’t got no man.”

“Well, you want one?”

She cocked her head. “You got any money?”

Was true love in the air? He leaned further out the window with a seductive gleam in his eye. “Imma give you all my money.”

“You gonna gimme some money right now?”

Sensing victory at hand, our catcall champion played his trump card. Out comes the wallet with a guest appearance from none other than Mr. Andrew motherfucking Jackson. The girl shuffled over to his car, grabbed the twenty bucks and shoved it into the deep, dank recesses of her bra. She took his phone, typed in her number and our hero sped away into the glorious sunset, transaction complete.

Postgame Breakdown

See how easy and relatively inexpensive that was? Let’s do a quick recap:

• The Hooptie Approach – Doing it right by causing a huge scene. Women love attention.
• Delivering The Message – Don’t screw around with small talk because it’s a huge waste of time. If you’re wondering does this bitch got a dude, just ask!
• Money – When in doubt, take a cue from America’s educational system. Throw some cash and hope everything works out.

Now that you know how to catcall a woman, feel free to deploy this tactic at your discretion. Be careful though, there is a such thing as getting too much pussy.

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