Have you ever been fapping like a convict to grainy 80s VHS porn and thought to yourself, “I wonder what she looks like with no makeup?” No? Guess it’s just me. Irregardless, there’s been some interesting pictures of porn stars with no makeup floating around the internet. Let’s take a look, shall we?
Veruca James
Clickety click 2 enlarge!
Whoa! I totally had a copy of Black Flag’s “Jealous Again” back in high school. Can’t say I’m jealous of that shirt though. Shit’s fulla holes. The no-makeup pic kinda looks like that one friend’s mom back in elementary school that didn’t know how to cook worth a shit so she’d feed you chopped up hot dogs and boxed mac ‘n cheese. Then you steal all the money out of her wallet when you find her blacked out next to a bottle of cooking wine.
Verdict: Weird boner for the Mr. Spock eyebrows
Jessica Mor
Those lips don’t even make sense without enough makeup to repaint an entire Section 8 apartment complex. “Doesn’t make sense” as in “I’m looking at one of those unending MC Escher staircases and my brain can’t quite process the physics of it.”
Did she eat: A handful of bees
Brenda Moreno
Yowza. There’s enough special effects here to put Pixar out of business. Seriously, making this chick look sort of hot deserves the Nobel Prize for Best Airbrush. Do they even have that? They should. Today’s awards shows are way too boring, and introducing artificial sexdroids such as this would really liven things up.
Damned if you do: Damned if you don’t
Jessica Nyx
When I look at the no makeup picture I think, “This is the girl that your stable friend with a solid job in mortgage lending would marry. Good for him! Maybe I’ll buy one of her apple pies at the church bake sale on Sunday.” Then all of a sudden Larry in Sales discovers that one video and pretty soon the whole office is watching your wife get DP’ed by two ‘roided out Hispanic midgets. Background checks, people!
Verdict: Kinda want a piece of pie
Draven Star
The makeup/no makeup difference here actually pretty subtle. Subtle like the difference between getting hit in the head with a ball peen hammer vs a regular claw hammer. Razorblade cupcake brass knuckles cupcake studded wristband scissors cupcake! There’s a LOT of distracting shit going on here. Those with a keen eye may notice a 5% decrease in baggy circles under the eyes, plus you can kinda see her boobs through her shirt.
Verdict: Definitely would ask her where to find heroin at 4 AM on a tuesday
Amor Hilton
This isn’t makeup, this is the Fountain of Youth. Or at least the Fountain of Artfully Concealing A Serious Drug Habit. I guess what I’m saying is “would bang.”
Verdict: We’d better get back, because it’ll get dark soon and they mostly come at night. Mostly.
Proxy Paige
I would almost say this is actually two different girls, but I refuse to believe that the same hairstyle can exist in two places simultaneously without destroying the entire fucking universe.
Verdict: Looking at this picture fucked up the colors on my computer screen.
Daryl Hanah
Dave, you aren’t fooling anybody. I totally remember when you used to deliver Hostess products to the local 7-11 back in 2004. Is this what you did with the settlement money when you threw your back out lifting four crates of Twinkies off the truck at once? Told you that you should lift with your legs.
Verdict: Would whoop my ass at a game of hoops
Samantha Saint
No-Makeup Pic A makes me lie to myself for 30 seconds that she might be the wholesome, freckled girl-next-door of my dreams. Then I’m smacked upside the head by the bottomless, cock-gobbling reality of Turbo-Makeup Pic B.
Verdict: Porn directors are racist against freckles
Well that was fun! Big ups to Imgur.com for providing me with endless hours of anti-productivity as well as all of these pictures.
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