My name is widely known throughout the land for some of the weirdest and worst dating experiences. One of the more legendary in a long line of fucked up dating misadventures involves a cute girl I met on Craigslist a few years ago. I simply call this story “The Crazy Girl Saga”. Grab yourself some snacks and a soda, ‘cuz this is gonna be a long one.
Chapter 1: True Love’s Dawn
Once upon a chilly winter’s morn, I posted a Craigslist ad to relieve myself from a frustrating lack of internet dates. Lo and behold, I received a message from a quite attractive girl who displayed an interest in conversing due to our mutual lack of religious affiliation. After a few messages ‘twixt the both of us, I determined by her horrible grammar (one of my prime qualifiers) that this girl was not much of a romantic prospect, but offered my phone number on a whim.
After over a month of no contact, I received a text from the fair maiden, requesting a movie date that very day. My afternoon was filled with nary an event, so a trip to the cinema on a Saturday afternoon seemed like a delightful suggestion. I jumped in the shower, cleansed myself from the accumulated filth of a vigorous gym session and prepared as best as I could for potential romance. I even brushed my teeth.
While traveling to her humble abode, a mighty red flag was raised high. My phone rang, and I was informed in angry tones that we were going to miss the movie if I didn’t hurry the fuck up! Where the hell was I?!? Fucking move it!!! I told her to cool down, as I was mere minutes from her locale. Despite hearing the “having serious second thoughts about this” alarm ringing in my brain, I decided to follow through with what was already shaping up to be a trainwreck of monumental proportions.
I arrived at her house, noting with pleasant surprise that she was even more attractive than her pictures – short and curvy with black hair and an exotic, indiscernible ethnic background. She climbed into my motorized stagecoach without so much as a smile, seeming strangely concerned that I had driven up in front of her house. She informed me me that we need to make a pit stop before we go to the theatre. I inquired where, to which she replied, “LCDC.”