A while ago I wrote a Craigslist ad based around a straight edge theme. Turns out that this is a bad idea – apparently the only girls who want to date straight edge guys are either fucked-up single moms looking for a knight in shining armor or kooky religious girls thinking I share their drooling superdevotion to Jeebus. Talk about barking up the wrong bush.
I got an email from a girl with minor potential (maybe a low 6 on a good day) so we volleyed a few mediocre emails back and forth. Then I kinda forgot about her. She hit me up about a month later asking for a dinner date, which prompted me to ask “Who are you?” Cue the intrigue!
She handed over her number and I sent a few typical smartass texts as is the norm. Then she hit me with the most important dating question a woman can ask:
Her: So… I can’t believe I am going to ask you these questions but I’ve had a humbling life experience that forces me to now ask things like this … 1) have you ever had sex with a man? 2) do you have fantasies of doing such things? 3) have you had a threesome, with the third being a man or woman? 4) whether you have or haven’t had a threesome is it something you want to experience or continue experiencing?
Oh yes, another question … do you have fantasies of watching someone your with be with others? If so, are you fantasies just that or do you hope to act on them as well?
Me: Can’t say that I’ve ever been involved in any gay cuckoldry. Gotta confess I’m probably going to bore you with regular ol’ rough sex
Her: You would be amazed at the things I been asked. I have also been asked to be crapped on …
Me: hahaahahahaha you have to be fucking with me
Her: I researched a bunch and well apparently “straight” men have sex with other “straight” men all the time
Her: Look on cl, many adds… straight man … married… desiring sec or bj with men
Im totally not joking … with any of it
Me: So how much of that did you actually say yes to
Her: None of it
I am very much a two person non pooping sex life person
Me: Riiiiiiiight
Her: lol
It may come as a shocker, but after all of that red flag weirdness I decided it’s probably better not to bother meeting up with Our Lady of the Gigantic Red Flag. Best of luck with your next Craigslist adventure
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This post originally appeared at my old blog Bronan The Barbarian on August 12, 2012.
