A couple of years ago, my crunchy granola friend Giles hit me up to go rock climbing. Instead of scaling an artificial rock wall like coked-out spider monkeys, Giles suggested that we should attend a yoga class instead. The rusty gears of my internal meathead thought process ground for several minutes while I stared blankly and drooled on the gym floor. “Uhhhhhhh… dunno brah. Isn’t yoga for hippie vegan communists?” Lo and behold, I discovered that yoga is pretty awesome.
Need a couple of reasons to hit a yoga class? Probably so. Here you go:
Flexibility
Ever heard a steroids guy complain he can’t wipe his own ass? Anyone who lifts weights needs to counterbalance strength with flexibility, otherwise you’ll wind up as stiff as Hugh Hefner’s Viagra-embalmed corpse. Proper flexibility exercises will correct minor pains and injuries, plus allow you to crawl in the window when you get wasted and lock yourself out of your house. I hyperextended a hip muscle after going too heavy on squats and it hurt for a year straight. A few months of yoga classes restored my leg back to its kitten-kicking glory and allowed me to perform deeper squats. Yoga also improves posture, makes you stand taller, and it’s helped me reduce anterior pelvic tilt.
Balance
Three words for you: “Roadside sobriety test.” Just kidding, you’ll still going to barf all over Officer Friendly’s shoes and wind up in the slammer regardless of how many yoga classes you take. However, yoga will significantly increase your balance. Having supercharged circus balance from taking yoga allowed me to get a jump start in martial arts class, as well as improving squats, deadlifts and other balance-intensive exercises.
Internal Control
The final few minutes of a yoga class usually involves a cool-down where you basically just lay there. The other day somebody ripped *the* perfect fart during. It was the Wilhelm Scream of bowel noises. This is the type of glorious gas that you may only witness once or twice in a lifetime. To achieve a 10/10 on the rectum scale, you’ll need the sort of internal control that can only be brought about by years in the yoga studio. Side note: I was the only guy in the class – the rest of the attendees were either sweet little old ladies or hot girls. Bravo, you master yoga fartist.
If Nothing Else…
You can always just sit in the back, pretend to do stuff and creep on attractive members of the opposite sex. I’m looking at you, Skullet Guy.
Most gyms offer yoga classes for free, so give it a shot and see what you think. Here’s a mystical, Middle Eastern-themed song from Nile to help soothe and relax:
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