Halloween is right around the corner! Ignore the Snickers and spooky ghouls, because Halloween is really about one thing: Looking your best while you drunkenly hit on every half-naked girl in sight. So what’s the best Halloween costume for men? Learn how to stand out from the crowd with this easy, affordable and – best of all – sexy outfit!
One Costume To Rule Them All
You could spend your time working out so you can look good as a cop or fireman, but fuck that. Fitness is a huge waste of time when you could be savoring the unearthly delights of candy corn-flavored vodka. Why not take a one-size-fits-all approach to the Men’s Halloween Costume? So what is the costume that will melt all panties within a 500 yard radius? I’m talkin’ about dressing up as America’s favorite independent right-wing talk show host, Glenn Beck!
How To Assemble Your Glenn Beck Halloween Costume
Lucky for the men’s halloween costume seeker, Glenn Beck has successfully monetized cuckservatism by providing a store! You can mix and match various pieces of Glenn Beck attire to form your halloween costume. However, you don’t want to look like an idiot when dressing like Glenn Beck, so I’d suggest going with “Glenn Beck’s Package”. For the low, low price of roughly $230 plus some printer ink, you can replicate the look of GB cosplaying as a hard-working Midwestern hog farmer. Here’s what you’ll need:
- Glenn Beck “Freedom Shitkicker” Boot Cut Stone Washed Jeans – $76
- Glenn Beck “American Cut/Hides That Gut” Red & White Plaid Shirt – $65
- Glenn Back “I Take Zero Bullshit From You Liberals” Stetson Hat – $90
- Optional: Glenn Beck “Whitey Tighties With Glenn’s Face Screen Printed Directly On The Crotch” – (Sold Out)
Got your gear? Good! Don’t forget to pay for “Rush” shipping!
Completing Your Costume
Want to add that special finishing touch? How about a fun mask for your Halloween costume? Just do a quick image search or print out the handy mask template below!
Don’t forget to ask your mom for some string so you can tie the mask on!
Final Thoughts On Best Halloween Costume For Men
- Try to cry a little while wearing the mask for added effect.
- This costume means business. Women may spontaneously become pregnant if they come too close so make sure you have the cash to foot several child support bills.
- Yeah, this apparel is shipped by a fulfillment company so you can probably get the same outfit for around $19.95 by shopping at Target. Don’t be a fucking cheap ass. This Officially Licensed Glenn Beck Merchandise©™ has Glenn Beck’s name printed right on the tag for authenticity.
Thanks for reading, and hope you have a happy, safe, and above all, liberal-free halloween!
Love my Halloween creativity? Hire me to draw something for you!
Read next: Make Your Halloween Horrible With Kawaii Candy Corn