I get a surprising amount of email from guys who don’t drink asking for online dating advice. I won’t lie to you – if you don’t drink at all, you’re operating with a severe handicap when it comes to internet dating. I’m going to share an effective Craigslist M4W ad for guys who don’t drink that’s gotten me tons of dates.
Abstaining from alcohol is a Big Fucking Deal for many women, especially women under 30. I’d venture to guess that not drinking an instant deal breaker for roughly 40% of women.
You have two solutions. The best option is learn to drink a cocktail or two on a date. Otherwise, you’ll need to sidestep the “why don’t you drink” issue by filtering out girls who have a problem with teetotalers. This Craigslist M4W ad is a great filtering mechanism. Take a look:
Sick Of Drunken Douchebaggery? Date A Straight Edge Guy
Hey cute girls of the internet! Are you sick and tired of bums yelling the same drunken pick up lines downtown? Have wasted frat boys barfed Red Bull and vodka all over your shoes for the last time? Stoned out boyfriends munched all your secret stash of Fig Newtons again? Time to boot these chumps out of your life like a Superbowl-winning field goal and hang out with the best, soberest dude in the world, me.
“Now waitaminute,” you’re asking yourself. “What kind of weiner won’t even drink one beer? What’s wrong with this guy?? And what the hell is ‘straight edge,’ anyway???” The answers can be found within my Handy Dandy Frequently Asked Questions List.
Q: What’s “straight edge?” Some kind of measuring device?
A: The straight edge lifestyle essentially rejects the use of drugs, tobacco products and alcohol. Some straight edge kids also don’t go for any kind of sexual activity. Not me, though. I likes me some sweet, sweet lovin’.Q: So why don’t you drink?
A: Simple – Even though I enjoy partying and being social, getting wasted just isn’t that fun for me any more. I burnt myself out on substance abuse in high school and my first couple years of college. Plus, I simply can’t get shit done when I’m drunk or high. Important shit. Like holding down a job. Or not throwing up all over my parents’ house from eating an entire package of those stale christmas cookies Grandma made because I got waaaaaaaayyyyyy too stoned.Q: So, like, what do you do for fun then?
A: It might seem like life is dull and lifeless without the help of booze, but I manage to keep myself pretty entertained. I lift weights, ride bikes, take yoga and MMA classes and occasionally go rock climbing. I shred some killer guitar. I’m a pro designer, illustrator and writer. I also spend an ungodly amount of time screwing around on the internet, hence this ad.Q: Ok, I’m totally sold! Now what?
A: What are you waiting for? Send me an email with your picture and let’s party!
Breakdown: Why Does This Craigslist Ad Work?
A lot of guys will read this and laugh at the soft sell. However, I’ve written dozens of M4W ads and honestly the Mr Alpha Male Bigdick approach really doesn’t work that well unless you’re rocking a very specific look and vibe (think “Affliction Douche”). Craigslist rightly has a reputation for weirdo guys, so your goal is to come off as normal as possible without being needy.
Humor
This particular ad is silly, bordering on clownish. With a lot of A/B testing I’ve found that extra humor goes over well with girls who don’t drink. Try to throw few lighthearted jokes with broad appeal into your ad.
Lifestyle
You’ll notice that I mentioned a lot of activities that I engage in. Good luck if you’re some TV watching dud who sits around all day zombied out on Game Of Thrones reruns. You’ll need a fairly interesting lifestyle to make up for the fact that you don’t cause a bunch of drunken drama (which girls secretly love). If you don’t have interesting hobbies, don’t even think about internet dating until you get your lifestyle in order. And for the love of Thor, start lifting weights and eating right. No girl wants to date some slob with man boobs.
Religion
I’m not religious, so I used to include this when I ran the ad:
Q: You’re probably some kind of kooky religious guy, right?
A: Negatory, I don’t even believe in Jeebus.
Turns out that any form of religious criticism (even something as minor as saying “Jeebus” instead of “Jesus”) will cut your reply rate by as much as 75%. A fair amount of your target market will have some form of religious belief, so I recommend staying away from the topic completely.
Pictures
Putting a pic on Craigslist is an iffy proposition. In this case I whipped up a picture of a straight edge ninja turtle to go along with the article plus a pic of myself. Take a look:
This pic alone was a great conversation starter. It bought me at least a dozen extra replies every time I ran the article, so choose a couple of good images to go along with your personal ad.
Conclusion
As always, don’t be a dumbass and copy this ad outright. You aren’t me and it’s going to show once you trade a few emails with a girl. Read what I did, deconstruct my methodology and write several ads until you get an optimized version of your own Craigslist personal ad.
Want more Craiglist advice? Check out these fine articles
Hire me to draw a Ninja Turtle pic for you
