Even if you’re a mediocre cook, you’ve probably made a pot of chili before. It’s pretty easy to make chili because you essentially say, “Hey, I have some tabasco, a pork chop, spaghetti-o’s and half an onion. What can I make with this shit? I know! Chili!” Sometimes this method works well, but most of the time you wind up with some nasty crap that even the dog won’t eat so you wind up feeding it to your kids.

The same throw-it-all-together concept is often applied to fitness. I call this the “Chili Workout.” A lot of people in my gym love Chili Workouts. These are the people you see swinging a kettle bell around in one hand and a jump rope in the other while balancing on one foot. I want to smack them in the back of the head and demand to know what they’re trying to accomplish, but their goofy workout routine is way too funny to interrupt.

There’s also a Chili Workout Class in my gym. It’s led by the World’s Oldest Personal Trainer. I’m pretty sure this guy just makes shit up to amuse himself because he likes to see idiots jump around like trained seals at Sea World. “Ok guys! Jumping jacks for five seconds! Now spin in a circle! Do the macarena! More circles! Do some tae bo shit! Go!”

If you’ve never tried a Chili Workout, I’d highly suggest giving it a shot. Here’s a few Chili Workout ideas to get you started:

• Bicep curls while standing on a swiss ball
• Squats while standing on a swiss ball
• Upright rows while standing on a swiss ball
• Mimic battle scenes from “Braveheart” by swinging a kettle bell overhead while clenching a small dumbbell between your ass cheeks. Extra credit for standing on a swiss ball
• Load an olympic bar with a 45 lb plate on each side. Set it on the floor, crawl under the bar, pick it up and lock your elbows while doing torso twists. Make sure a swiss ball is within easy reach
• Run laps around the basketball court holding dumbells in both hands with a rope tied around your waist, towing a personal trainer who is standing on two towels
• Crossfit

What’s your favorite Chili Workout? Feel free to post a video on YouTube so we can all gather ’round the computer with snacks and laugh at your misfortune.