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Is anybody else as sick of Christmas music as I am? It’s impossible to walk into any store without running a gauntlet of holiday horseshit blasting through every speaker in the place. I’m actually surprised we haven’t had mass shootings in outlet malls across America. If I had to listen to Jingle Bells all day I’d be slaughtering fellow shoppers left and right. Adding to the problem, we have Michael Bublé contributing an entire album of rehashed xmas bullshit:


You must ask yourself the question, “Do we really need another Christmas album?” Seriously, Christmas music has been done to death. I think the Recording Industry Association of America leadership held a clandestine meeting in an underground chamber where they all dressed in dark hoods and skull masks. After burning candles made of Meghan Trainor’s liposuctioned “bass” material and sacrificing a few infants over an altar shaped like Nick Jonas, they decided that nobody is allowed to write an original Christmas song ever again.

Oh yeah, forgot I was supposed to be reviewing the song. Whatever. Christmas music sucks regardless of who’s singing it, so you might as well listen to the only acceptable Christmas song ever written:


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