Ever since I was a chubby little child, I’ve always loved Halloween. Nowadays it’s more for the skanky costumes, but I used to be all about the candy. October meant at least half a month worth of soaring sugar highs and diabetic delights, culminating in the ultimate door-to-door high-fructose orgy. Mom had to hide the payload and dole it out piece by piece lest I gorge myself upon Reese’s peanut butter cups and vomit all over the rug.
Unfortunately Halloween isn’t all boobs and dental bills. The horrors of nasty candy are lurking around every corner. There was always that one house handing out those horrible black and orange-wrapped squishy things masquerading as candy. You know the ones. They’re supposed to taste like peanut butter but wind up tasting like a combination of chalk and ass. Do they even have a name? I think you have to buy them directly from Satan himself, and he’ll only sell them to you if you reaaaaaaaallllyyyyy hate kids.
As bad as those things are, the ultimate candy abomination is, of course, candy corn. Corn itself is bad enough. When altered into “candy” form, candy corn becomes pretty much the most goddamn disgusting thing you’ll potentially eat during the month of October. In honor of Halloween, I decided to combine two of the most loathsome and repugnant things I could imagine – Kawaii art and candy corn. Spread the horror around and inspire a few nightmares with this repulsive kawaii candy corn!
Now that you’re sufficiently revolted, get out there, grab a fistful of candy and score a cavity or two. Those dentists gotta put their kids through college somehow. Happy Halloween!
