How To Write Craigslist M4W Personal Ads

So you’re saying to yourself, “I’m really bored/crushingly lonely/too ugly to meet women in person/etc. I know! I’ll post a personal ad on Craigslist! Even thought I don’t know how to write Craigslist M4W personal ads! I’ll just slap some shit together and hope for the best!”

Good for you! E for effort! However, there are a few cardinal rules you should obey so a woman (yes, an actual living, breathing woman, with boobs and everything) might actually write back to your goofy ass. Read on, dear audience, and the Obi Wan of meeting hot babes on Craigslist will teach you how to write something that may make you look like a champion, rather than the antisocial glue huffer that you most likely are.

Finding love on Craigslist is possible!

How to find love on craigslistMost guys open their personal ad with something distracting like “writing a M4W ad on Craigslist is dumb but here I am anyway.” In reality, there’s nothing stupid about online dating. You’ll meet a ton of girls you might never encounter in day-to-day life. Much like losing a diamond ring in a cat’s litter box, you’ll have to wade through a ton of crap to find that one nugget of greatness.

Over the course of several years, I’ve met hundreds of girls by writing M4W ads on Craigslist. Some of them were beautiful, fun, interesting, and even resulted in a couple of great relationships. However, the most insane and frightening girl I’ve (against all reason and rational thought) had sex with, I also met on Craigslist. Choose your battles wisely, grasshopper!

How To Write Craigslist M4W Personal Ads

Cletus The Slack Jawed YokelIf you’re looking for a smart, successful and fun girl, you need to at least attempt to project the image that you’re also somewhat intelligent. The absolute best way to convey this message is through proper spelling, grammar and punctuation. This is one of the most basic and easy ways to look good when writing a M4W ad. Edit your writing in Microsoft Word or some equivalent program first, then run the spell checker. Most web browsers will even tell you if you’re spelling things wrong. Pay attention to those little red lines underneath words. If your ad reads like a drunken third grader’s failed spelling bee, then you’re immediately telling women that you are incapable of any conversation that doesn’t start with “Last night I got trashed on mouthwash and passed out while watching The Price Is Right reruns”. For those of you still in college, quit sleeping through Comp 150 – you may mistakenly learn something.

Writing about yourself!

Liquor Store PirateNow we’ve hit the meat and potatoes of your ad – writing about yourself! This is Marketing 101, so put your best foot forward, even if that foot has three toes. Remember, we want women to either a) learn about how awesome you are b) not figure it out that you’re a choad for a least a couple of dates so you can get some kisses/a foot job/whatever. That means spouting off zero bullshit about your last relationship, as in “I just got out of a 2.87 year relationship and I’m finally ready to date again”. Wrong move, Samsonite – you’ve just proved you have more damaged baggage than United Airlines.

Instead of complaining, tell your audience what’s good about you – interests, hobbies, etc. And by “interests,” I don’t mean the one about having Asian schoolgirls shit on your face while you wear assless chaps and choke yourself. Save that until at least date number three. A word to the wise, “hanging out”, “drinking” and “Barack Obama” are not hobbies. “Hobbies” are things like playing a musical instrument, painting mountain landscapes or robbing liquor stores dressed like a pirate. Under no circumstances should you ever write about how great you are in bed, how many orgasms she’ll have, how good you are at massages, etc. Women can smell this sort of bullshit a mile away, and that’s what Casual Encounters is for. If you have to brag about your sexual prowess, you probably have roughly the skill level of that guy in the “Jizz In My Pants” video.

The girl of your dreams!

Craigslist girlsThis one’s a bit trickier. You’ll want to give a rough idea of who you’re looking for, but don’t get too specific or else you’ll chase off potential responses. Don’t leave your description so vague that just anybody can answer, though. Set general guidelines for looks and interests. If you’re looking for a 420-loving hippie girl that likes jam bands and doesn’t shower, you’re probably insane or from Boulder. However, you’d better write something to that effect in your ad, lest you be disappointed when a gorgeous blonde girl-next-door answers your ad. Also, be realistic. You can’t demand “no fat chicks” if your diet and exercise regime consists of chowing down on McNuggets and lifting a progressively lighter can of Milwaukee’s Best.

Picture time!

Garth waynes world camerasBy posting a picture you’re taking a risk, but the potential rewards could be enormous. Girls are much more likely to read an ad if there’s a picture attached, and a lot more likely to reply if they know what you look like. If you’re photogenic and didn’t grow up in the same town you live in, post a picture of yourself. If you’re ugly, fake girls out with a picture of Justin Bieber and then show up all ugly to the date because the look of disappointment is priceless.

Now, my legion of newly educated Craigslist brethren, go forth with the knowledge I’ve so graciously bequeathed upon you! Use it wisely, as the search for love and/or a baby’s mama is fraught with peril and disaster.

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Read next: Missed Connection With Barf Princess At Brewfest!

About the Author:

Matt Lawrence is the world's greatest illustrator and humor author. Follow him on Twitter or hire him to do your next design project.

6 Comments

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  4. Rob January 20, 2017 at 2:29 pm - Reply

    Help me get laid. It’s been like 4 years. Ok, I’ve been posting ads. I’ve been trying plenty of fish. Nada. I’m 6’4”, 205, thin yet have definition to my muscles. Six pack abs, not much fat. I am indeed bald like hitman. I’m white. What do I say in my ad?

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