How To Relieve Eye Strain From Staring At A Computer All Goddamn Day

Dick Knubbler bleeding eyesWhen I was a kid I used to park my fat ass in front of a TV and play Super Mario Kart until my eyes were nothing but bloody holes in my head. I’m not really joking – I’d do eight hour gaming marathons, subsisting on a diet of Little Debbie snack cakes and waiting until I practically peed my pants before taking a break. Luckily I’m a ginger and don’t actually need sunlight to live because I don’t think I saw the light of day until I was about 15.

Of course, all that hardcore gaming action means I got some colossal eye strain. Even though I don’t really play video games any more, I still stare at a minimum of 6-8 hours worth of cat pictures and granny porn on the computer every day. This sort of eye abuse takes its toll after a while, so if you’re like me you need quick, cheap, effective relief from eye strain. Listen and learn an ancient homeopathic remedy I got from my mom who learned it from some gypsy or a wizard or something. I forget. Anyway, this quick tip for relieving eye strain is super easy and works great. Check it out:

How To Relive Eye Strain With One Simple Ingredient!

First thing’s first – assemble your goods. You only need 3 things!

  • Paper towels
  • A cheese grater
  • A potato

Got ’em? Good. The type of potato doesn’t matter so grab whatever’s cheap.

potato, cheese grater, paper towel

Lay down your paper towel and start grating the potato like you’re making hash browns. Observe:

grated potato hash browns

Next up, just twist the paper towel around the potato pack:

potato pack

You don’t need much to make these. Half of an average-sized potato is plenty to make one for each eye. Speaking of which, you’ll need to make two unless you’re a cyclops or fuck around with cherry bombs and only have one eye.

Now what?

Jeez, do I have to tell you everything? Just throw on some tunes, grab your potato packs, lay down and place them on your eyes. You’ll start feeling the potatoes work their heathen magic within about 20 seconds, but I’d recommend leaving them there for 5-10 minutes for maximum effect. Feels great huh? You’re welcome.

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By | 2017-12-17T22:56:56+00:00 October 27th, 2015|Categories: Tutorials|Tags: , , , , , , |2 Comments

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Matt Lawrence is the world's greatest illustrator and humor author. Hire him to do your next design project.