Fly Fresh & Barbaric’s PUA Pussy Adventure!

Ladies and International Players, Fly Fresh and Barbaric Studios is pleased to announce our latest release for the season: PUA Pussy Adventure!

PUA Pussy Adventure

Fuck Skyrim, fuck Fallout, fuck Call of Duty- you can’t get pussy in those games so who gives a shit. You know who plays that garbage? Betas. Omegas. Dregs. Losers. People we don’t care about. Fuck all of that. When we set out on this project to build the best video game ever there was only one question we were seeking to answer- What do Alphas play?

So we brought together the best and brightest in the PUA field for a mind-sesh and came up with something decades ahead of whatever Activision or Infinity Ward are currently shitting out of their incontinent assholes- the MMOPUA. It’s revolutionary. Red Pill this, Electronic Arts.

PUA Pussy Adventure is a multi-faceted game sure to help you out in any niche you’re looking to fill. It’s hard to say which aspect of the game we’re most proud of, so we’ll start at the top.

PPA offers the most comprehensive, open ended single player campaign known to man. Starting off as an AFC, you’ll bounce around from bar to bar, to coffee shops and poetry readings, building your character up to gmPUA status (that’s Grand Master Pick Up Artist to all you newb shitheads out there). As your campaign progresses, you’ll be able to use your XP to buy new accessories, unlock new openers, and train yourself in new gambits, magic tricks, and negs. Live vicariously through your character as you rack up K-Closes, fight LMR, file field reports on all the forums you visit, and kick it with the homies back at the lair during off nights. It’s the ultimate PUA experience, all from the safety and security of your bedroom or office.

Yeah so maybe Mass Effect pioneered character conversations, but we took that shit to a whole new level. I mean, we took a dump all over their alien bullshit. Your seductions will be smooth and painless as you choose between a bevy of negs, DHVs, push-pull, C-F, and A&A answers, each conversation as dynamic as the one before. Escalating kino and number-closing has never been so easy!

PUA Pussy Adventure - Canned Opener dialogue wheel

 

“Will there be Achievements so I can show absolutely no one how awesome I am at this game?” Duhhh. We have made achievements integral to your progress in the game, both as milestones in your journey from Chump to Don Juan *and* as XP boosters. In this respect, PPA is truly unique- you’ll have achievements based on your character types-

Achievement Unlocked

 

-as well as “general” achievements you’ll need to meet along your journey, those necessary for any aspiring gmPUA to become the boss he truly desires to be-

Achievements List

But that isn’t even the best part. After building your PUA up in single player campaign with hundreds of number closes and coffee dates, take your goggles and card tricks to our innovative multiplayer universe and compete against the best and brightest worldwide. With game modes like Free for All, Team K-Close, and Capture the HB10, you’ll spend countless exciting hours honing your game, fighting off online AMOGs and cock-blockers, and grabbing digits all in your quest to dominate your fellow PUAs (and women!!!1!).

PUA Pussy Adventure Bar scene

 

After each match, you can spend your downtime in the forum trading secrets and cheat codes, tightening your game with gmPUAs while discussing last session’s ups and downs. Use multiplayer XP to gain rep and access to coveted Don Juan scenarios. Go from from regular neighborhood dives to yacht parties off the coast of Monaco, all in the span of hours!

With Fly Fresh and Barbaric’s PUA Pussy Adventure, you have everything you need to be become the player you’ve always wanted to be, right at your fingertips! Why go out and waste money on bar tabs and cab rides when you can be at home, doing everything those keyboard jockeys brag about on their blogs and more? Your Game and Gaming experience will never be the same, nor would we want them to be.

Get it now for the bargain price of $199.99 and get 3 free internet bootcamps for your character and a Special Edition Sterling Silver Ultimate Player Pinky Ring! While supplies last!

Originally published on September 17, 2012 at my old blog, Bronan The Barbarian. Pics created by me, article written by Nate

By | 2017-06-16T20:39:26+00:00 March 7th, 2016|Categories: Dating, Humor|Tags: , , , , , , |2 Comments

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Matt Lawrence is the world's greatest illustrator and humor author. Hire him to do your next design project.